i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
