there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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