Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
