im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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