Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This is my gift to your gina
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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