maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize