Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
