this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize