Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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