So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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