Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
