I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize