He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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