youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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