There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
