I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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