never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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