did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
