You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
