My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
