Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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