Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
