I think I died a long time ago.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
