I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
