Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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