turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
