When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
