I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
