god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
