There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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