Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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