PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
