So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
time to smoke my breakfast
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize