I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize