that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
