You're so nebulous sometimes
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
