Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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