Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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