at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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