Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize