my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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