my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My life is pants optional.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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