We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
