so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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