I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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