Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
