I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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