He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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