if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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