did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
