I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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