I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
