So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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