FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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