I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
