WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
