Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize