He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
