Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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