My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't put those talents on a resume
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
