Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
