I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
