my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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