God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize