You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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