you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
