He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
